Beyond the Label – Navigating Neurodivergence and Mental Health

In our latest podcast episode, I sat down with Andy Tolly to explore a journey that is becoming increasingly common yet remains profoundly misunderstood. This is the journey that highlights the intersection of autism, ADHD, and adolescent mental health. This was such a vital conversation and I felt honoured to be a part of the bravery and honesty that Andy spoke from.
Andy’s journey from the supportive environment of primary school to the turbulent ‘social jungle’ of secondary school, is a narrative many neurodivergent young people and their parents will find deeply resonant. Andy’s story is not just one of struggle, but a roadmap for how we can better support neurodivergent young people before they hit a breaking point. This is a conversation for educators, school leaders and parents alike.

The ‘cliff edge’ of secondary school

For many children, the transition from primary to secondary school feels like a rite of passage. For Andy, it was a seismic shift. Andy describes it as:

“…very very very different. … I think it’s best illustrated by the analogy of going from the warm kiddies pool in a leisure centre to the cold adults pool, in the deep end!”

While their primary school years were defined by support and positivity, the move to a larger, more rigid secondary environment, with new social and academic ‘rules’ and expectations, acted as a catalyst for underlying challenges.

This is a frequent theme in neurodivergent lives. The loss of a single, consistent teacher and the introduction of complex social hierarchies can make the world feel suddenly unsafe and uncertain. Andy reflects on how the ‘toxic friendships’ and the escalating social anxiety of their teenage years weren’t just growing pains but were the first signs of a brain trying to navigate a world not built for the way it had become used to working.

The late diagnosis puzzle

It wasn’t until their mid-teens that Andy received their first mental health diagnosis which was a mix of anxiety and depressive disorder. Later, in 2023, the pieces truly clicked into place with additional diagnoses of Autism and ADHD. The diagnoses have helped them to better understand themselves and their journey now they are a young adult:

“Recognising both strengths and challenges is essential…” Andy notes.

Without an early understanding of their neurodivergence, Andy’s behaviours were often misinterpreted. Their approach to learning didn’t fit the traditional mould, and their ADHD made the demands of a standard classroom feel like an uphill battle. When a child’s internal experience doesn’t match the external expectations, the result is often a decline in mental health. When early recognition and response to need is absent, it is the child who will struggle, often unnecessarily, and fail to meet their full potential. Throughout the conversation we hear how this showed up in primary school and how they were able to seemingly ‘succeed’ because they learned to play by the rules.

“I think that they innately made sense to my brain. I was raised to trust and believe in authority figures, so teachers and staff. And because I got on well with them and because I was doing well in lessons, it all made sense in that regard. “

Andy explains that because they were well behaved and top in their class academically, any neurodivergence was missed.

However, their neurodivergence showed up quite differently in secondary school, where the ‘rules’ were now so misaligned to their thinking and their belief system that they began to struggle academically and never truly found a sense of belonging socially because the rules to the game stopped making sense to them.

Moving beyond the attention-seeking stigma

Perhaps the most poignant part of our conversation focuses on the darker moments of Andy’s journey. When the internal pressure became too much, self-harm became a coping mechanism.

“So something that immediately brought me back through, you know, from an intense sensation was just scratching my arms with my nails. But it did evolve into cutting myself and it became quite ritualistic.”

In educational settings, behaviours like this or even loud, disruptive outbursts, are often dismissed as attention-seeking. Andy advocates for a radical shift in perspective. If a child is seeking attention through self-harm or disruptive behaviours, it is often because they have unmet needs.

By destigmatising these behaviours, we move from punishment to curiosity as educators or parents and we can begin to ask questions such as:

• What is this behaviour trying to communicate?
• What sensory or emotional overload is this child experiencing?
• How can we provide the attention they need before it reaches a crisis point?

The vital role of educators

Andy’s story serves as a call to action for teachers and school staff. Educators are often the ‘first responders’ in a child’s mental health journey. The ability to see the difference between a ‘naughty’ pupil and an overwhelmed, undiagnosed ADHD or ASD pupil can quite literally change the trajectory of a life.
A supportive educational environment isn’t just about extra time on exams, or offering a quiet corner in which to sit; it’s about compassionate validation. It’s about creating a learning environment and experience where a student doesn’t have to mask their neurodivergence just to survive the school day.

A systemic shift?

Andy’s story highlights a gap that has existed in our education system for decades: the space between a child struggling and a child receiving a formal diagnosis. For too long and in many circumstances, support has been reactive rather than proactive. This has often been due to a lack of resources, training and staffing in schools. School leaders have been trying to meet the needs of their pupils in an environment that has not always been conducive to individualisation. The education system standardises learning and progress on the one hand with age expectations, league tables and external pressures on performance. But asks for evidence of adapting curriculum and pedagogy to suit the needs of a particular child on the other. However, a significant shift is on the horizon.

The government’s new SEND and Alternative Provision White Paper (2026)  seeks to address exactly what Andy experienced. It introduces new National Inclusion Standards that will set a clear, consistent benchmark for what every mainstream school must provide.

What the new standards might mean for pupils like Andy

The White Paper moves away from the idea that a child must have an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) to get meaningful help. Key changes will include:

• Earlier Identification: Moving toward a ‘Universal Offer’ where schools are expected to identify and support neurodivergent traits as soon as they appear, rather than waiting for a formal medical diagnosis.
• Individual Support Plans (ISPs): A new requirement for schools to create tailored plans for students with SEND. This would have been a game-changer for Andy during their transition to secondary school, providing a roadmap for their specific learning needs. 
• Standardised Inclusion: The new National Inclusion Standards aim to ensure that ‘calm classrooms’ and flexible teaching aren’t just ‘nice-to-haves’ in a few lucky schools, but a statutory expectation across the board.

Inclusion and high standards: two sides of the same coin?

The White Paper argues that inclusion and high standards are not mutually exclusive. In fact, by creating more inclusive environments, we should be able to see improved outcomes for all children. For Andy, a more inclusive secondary school might have meant their behaviours and communications would have led to their ADHD and ASD being recognised earlier, and then seen as a different way of learning rather than a barrier to academic and social success. 

By implementing these standards, one goal is to prevent the drastic changes felt in beginning secondary school by ensuring that the supportive environment Andy enjoyed in primary school followed them throughout their entire educational journey. An ISP may have been the key to helping prevent them from developing anxiety and depressive disorder which ultimately led to their self-harm rituals.

Key takeaways for parents and professionals

From our conversation, several vital lessons emerge for anyone supporting a neurodivergent young person:

• Early identification and intervention matters: If we can understand  the ‘why’ behind struggles and behaviours then we can prevent years of self-blame, anxiety and worse.
• Validate the social struggle: We can understand that neurodivergent pupils often face a different kind of social exhaustion; believe them when they communicate that they are struggling in areas that we may think are normal areas to struggle in. Be curious about what ‘normal’ teenage struggle actually is.
• Reframe coping mechanisms: We need to begin to see ‘attention-seeking’ as ‘connection-seeking’ or ‘help-seeking’, thereby getting rid of the stigma felt.
• Focus on strengths: A diagnosis isn’t just a list of deficits; it’s a way to unlock a person’s unique way of thinking and contributing to the world.

Final thoughts

Andy Tolly’s openness in our conversation provides a window into a world that many children are currently navigating in silence and confusion. By listening to lived experiences like this one, we can move toward a future where ‘nipping it in the bud’ means more than just early intervention, it means building a world where neurodivergent children are understood, accepted, and empowered from the very start. 

The environment Andy describes, one of escalating anxiety and toxic social pressures, is exactly what the new National Inclusion Standards seems to be aiming to change. By mandating ‘calm classrooms’ and providing funding for Inclusion Bases in every secondary school, the new White Paper recognises that a child cannot learn if their nervous system is constantly in ‘fight or flight’ mode.  In order for a school to be truly inclusive, they must provide a predictable and low-stress environment, essential for emotional regulation and the opportunity for every child to achieve and thrive.

I hope that the White Paper is a demonstration that our vision at Nip in the Bud, and advocates like Andy, are finally being heard at a policy level. 

Listen to my full interview with Andy Tolly on our podcast to hear more about their journey and their advocacy for a more compassionate education system.

Alis Rocca.